BRB

I'm going to be away from my desk for about two weeks. I'll go drive straight across the country with Brock's band to see them kill it in Ohio, Indiana, and Tennessee. I'll then leave them, after experiencing the best parts of the country, and go watch my dad turn 65. I made a couple merch signs for them. Here they are:


Also, when I was leafing through my records earlier today, I stumbled upon this "grow a bear" document. I thought I would give it to the internet here in this way. Done.

Don't buy my competitor's swords

We're all in trouble now. Look what I can do. Straight from phone to blog. This is my real life in the flesh authoritative one moment finger. Look at it, damn you. Don't you dare speak to me until I'm good and ready, filthy scumbag waiting room urchin. If you try to open the window yourself--flick flick flick--I cut off your head and all your fingers with my two handed great sword.

Crazy Hair

This is a excerpt of a comic made by a person who is not me that I have scanned for you to look at:

The text was already a bit pale before the scan, so it's hard to read, but you can make out the important bits. I thought it was super hilarious and I was trying to draw some "crazy hair" earlier today and this was the result:

The artist's name is Olivier Schrauwen. I know I'm down with this person cuz I go look at the website and I see the terrible men in the blue suits and one of them is leaking something from his penis (possibly jizzing or pissing) onto a pen and then gives that pen to the other man in a gesture that could be interpreted in a 100 different ways. It just looks great. The bearded man is prototype nightmare man. He and longman should get together some time. Olivier is informing us about what the real business world is like and I appreciate his honesty. zzz

My authoritative "one moment" finger

This is what I show disobedient patients when they try to climb through my window while I'm on the phone (or at a pivotal nail-filing moment). Not the drawing. Just the real erect index finger. Lasers and swords and sharks shoot out of it if they don't cease and desist.

(Sometimes the invading hoards are wearing chain mail, like this guy.)

A long overdue letter to a strange man

I'm still looking for a mailing address. Internets not giving to me. It's in one of my notebooks somewhere. I'll bet it's in his books. Yet another reason to go to a comic book store immediately. It's possible that some claims in this letter have been exaggerated or borrowed from the wonderful, never boring Black Cat White Cat movie. Also, apparently the scanning software I'm using translated my handwriting into type. Weird. I wrote "I hope" at the end of the letter in my own hand on the real letter. Not this creepy typed bit shown in the image above. I'm not creepy.

For Assholes! (TM)

This could go on and on. It started at the coffee shop with Kevin and Andy because Kevin was excited to have gotten Heidegger for Dummies or something at the library and it became "you mean for assholes." The we went down the line of all big thinkers for assholes. Bolano is wild card, but it's appropriate because he said awful things about Isabel Allende. I'm going to read his book soon. He's moody genius badass type. I won't dismiss him for being saucy. I think each one of these For Assholes books would start with the words, "On the contrary..." or maybe "There are other ways of doing this if you're not actually interested in this topic."

There's no reason to eat the heat-lamp burrito

I'll be honest. I'm a hot mess right now.The top drawing is an accurate expression of my inner thought life and the bottom one is an accurate narrative of some of the events that transpired in my last weekend. Including incomplete representations of the sports games we invented at tina's goodbye party called shirtball and badmintegories. The lugers are symbolic of the future. Hamburgers are symbolic of lunch. Tiny squares are symbolic of censorship. Tiny humans are symbolic of children ethan and kaleb. Cactus is symbolic of my newly ripped asshole. Ketchup is symbolic of staying up all night. Hairstyles are symbolic of I haven't decided yet.Then I was drawing this picture of Fabio going on a date with the famous celebrity singer Nicki Minaj and my coworker told me that she "likes girls" so I had to change it up real quick. She's in that song with the lyrics: "My chick bad/my chick hood/my chick does things your chick wish she could/my chick speaks Sanskrit/My chick eats a giant bucket of baleen everyday/My chick knows pi to a thousand decimals/my chick does no-hands push ups to train for seal olympics" I love that song. (Shitty Mickey seems to have put on a few pounds, don't you think? Eek!)

Heard Brock's new havoc wreaking jammyjam?

Well, you should. It's his latest recorded song. It's called "Mascara Running Everywhere". It's amazing. To be heard at this location by clicking on the gray rectangle at the top of the page. Blowing your brains out.

http://nerosdayatdisneyland.tumblr.com/post/602546460/neros-day-at-disneyland-mascara-running

Take this opportunity to familiarize yourself with his new website. Why not.

Tina goes to smart-town

Tina is moving to Pittsburgh for pharmacy school as you may know. She demanded that I make Michael Jackson themed buttons for her and I obliged because she is so powerful and so totally not weak in anyway that I had no choice but to relent and do her bidding. You think you know how to spell Pittsburgh but you don't. The top left button is celebrating the time in Michael Jackson's life when he made a PSA video about the "alleged" crimes he committed. He made potent bunny ears in that video. The bottom right one is reminiscing about the famous moment when he dangled baby Blanket from the hotel balcony in Berlin. It was a great moment that we all love and inspires us to dangle our babies. RIP MJ and good luck and best wishes for Tina in her trek across the country to the new place. Amen.

"Grainy videos of crotch rubbing twinks"

This isn't the most inspired foldy book I've ever made. It's like a C+. But it's on the favorite topic and it has some cute parts so I thought I'd share. The favorite topic is when homophobic public figures are exposed as pathetic, hateful secret gays. This new dooshy guy is a baptist minister and runs some fake bullshit org where they say they can cure gays. He's a ridiculous farce and now the jig is up. He did a Larry Craig and made an unacceptable excuse for why he was with the young man, whom he admitted to having found on rentboy.com (I love how much traffic they must be getting because of this big story), saying that he recently had surgery and needed someone to help him "lift his luggage." It's true. Larry Craig had a "wide stance" and George Rekers can't lift his own luggage. Check out this wonderful photo captured by the Miami newspaper at the airport when they got back from his slutty gay ten-day European vacay. This photo is the reason the second page of my lil comic has pixel face. Dan Savage did a great rant about this story on his podcast this week. He also is a big fan of how reliably this type of man is hardly secretly his own worst enemy.

Tiresome vapid prattle that I will soon be rid of

It's exhausting to hear women talking about how other women look all the time. Most people pretty much look like hideous deformed drooling beasts most of the time anyway. It's basically a ridiculous unrelenting irony to stare at the magazine and deliver mean, objectifying commentary about the physical appearance of strangers (who all make more money than we can comprehend mostly because they're so good at being perceived as beautiful). And it makes my brain leak out in a sizzling puddle. And it makes every reflective surface (including the dull penetrating empties nestled in their hardly-graduated-from-mongoloid skulls) become a fluorescent magnified mirror that exposes and trumpets every errant hair, revolting pore, and darkened sack of haggardness. I just want to lay face down on the carpet and moan like the slimy, writhing, temporary masses we all are. Good day.

AND THEN WHEN I GET HOME I REMEMBER: The point is, as partially expressed pictorially above, you too are a hag. These are your hag things. Embrace and rejoice.

Rollzig. HenGlen. Glenry. Rock the vote please.

I must acquire this new comic Tom Neely made called "Henry & Glenn Forever". It makes so much sense. Finally someone has tackled this essential fantasy pairing between two men who were clearly meant for each other. It looks from the cover like it's not merely lurid smut. Maybe there's male pregnancy! Cross your fingers.

Sweet lady

I hope my mom likes this card I made her for momo day. After all, she's always been such a dedicated 'pac fan. Words are adjusted lyrics from "Dear Momma" by Tupac of course. RIP. I may have done something similar last year... I can't remember. Damned brain parasites.

Massive oil spill makes important hippie reveal his ignorance and speak ridiculous nonsense

Today there was a bold headline in the papers and it spread quickly to all the subsequent commentary orifices. It's a quote from Louie Miller from the Sierra Club. He says that this oil spill is America's Chernobyl. For anyone familiar with the history of Chernobyl, the worst nuclear accident in all time, it's clear that this is not an apt analogy. I think it's more detrimental to Miller's case to compare the oil spill to a disaster with an unknown huge number of human casualties and then go on to merely talk about the economic and environmental damage that the Gulf area now faces.

The real severity of this oil spill is trivialized by this unnecessary hyperbole as well as the Chernobyl disaster. Are people in Mississippi having problems with their flesh dripping off? Are their eyes boiling? Will their children have hideous deformities? Not even a little bit. However, it's still pretty bad. The fishing and tourist industries are on hold for the next several years. That goes for the industries that relied upon those industries too. The are also substantial health risks for clean up crews and people nearby may be susceptible to chemical-induced illnesses. There won't be shrimp in the Gulf of Mexico for a while. Parts of the coast smell like a gas station but worse (all according to Riki Ott, a marine toxicologist that spoke on Democracy Now today.)

I say Sierra Club guy should skip the part that gives skeptics/haters/palin something to pick apart and just focus on the most incredible part, which is reality of the situation. The financial and environmental consequences will be severe and offshore oil drilling, BP (who operated it), and Halliburton (who built it) are to blame. BP's executive's heads should be on spikes if there is any justice in the world. It's truly a disaster.

But, again, definitely not the wailing with your dead loved one in your arms kind of disaster.

I made this sloppy scan of an excerpt from the book Voices From Chernobyl: The Oral History of a Nuclear Disaster. I feel like after a few pages of this text no one would bandy about such ignorant comparisons. This seems like a special book. It's from the Dalkey Archive Press and it has an email address printed prominently on the cover, which makes it seems very academic somehow. I fished it out of Jail's pile of discards last-last time she left town.

It seems so American to think our disaster must be the worst thing that has ever happened. Never mind Bhopal, Chernobyl, Nagasaki—eleven people died—stock your bunker. The lack of perspective is annoying.

This is art made by my close and personal friends

This drawing is made by Jail who is very talented and let me have this in a very generous gesture of friendship. That's how I interpreted it. She may have actually been giving drawings away willynilly without abandon. Regardless, I like it a lot. I call it: Prepared to Meet Wolf, Unblinking Russian Man Tromps Through Woods With Chicken. I was not given permission to put this drawing here or name it.

This is a hilarious comic that Shayna made about our friend Jason (aka neutral aka ectropic aka baldinglocks aka robotman (he doesn't like that one) aka BUG aka spaceman etc.) She is very talented and moving to Oakland as soon as she sells her house (pray to real estate lords). She said I could put this comic here, because if you're reading this you probably know Jason. Jason did not give me permission to put this here.

Ostrich Attacks Kid!

Here is a photo the painting I made today of the currently famous youtube video "Ostrich Attacks Kid" uploaded by one VRSick714. A few liberties were taken.
Observe real life cinematic arrangements:

New batch of library haul videos

Vanessa's second video:

Helen's first one!:

Angela's second video!:

This is a veritable babe convention.
I heard a rumor Smasher, Alexis, and Kevin might be making videos soon. I hope so! Anyone else?