Friday, January 29, 2010

Frightening immortal sperm

This is an old one that I just found on the floor while picking things up. I don't think it ever got its due glory. It's just not right. It seems I cut of the last word in the last panel. It says "pathetic." And check out that sexy horse.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Traps are everywhere

Don't let your human kindness or fondness for sweets and beauty lead you directly into a trap. That's how they get you.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I'm surrounded by slow moving old men

They turn their whole bodies to look at something. So very slowly and like half a minute after someone tried to get their attention. Why don't you stop being a doctor after you turn 1,000. And they're stupid. I made this for Andy McQueen Hyde the VIII's 29th birthday, which is today. He's an angel. DON'T TELL HIM.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Getting better at drawing horses from memory

And Amputee Goofy. And Jesus catching people's souls when they die so he can eat them. And Flipper Baby Donald Duck pissing on Jesus' space yurt. And Mutant Spitfire Heads whispering to Mickey what he ought to do on horsey's neck. It's a bad world. This is a nice trotting pony with tiny head.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


My coworker's boyfriend's sister's name is Booshanda for reals. And she looks like this. She is a princess. I can totally see her IUD string from here.

Sexy athletes

I really didn't intend the phallus. It's just natural. I was trying to do like the mortar and pestle in the other one. I think I'm done with matryoshkis for a minute. The caption for the fella on the right should read, "What was that, Ms. Spraytan? Oh, it must have been my penis clanking against the thighsolater machine."

why did i do this?

This is a a followup to a similar series of future humans and humanoidals that I made on a long, unscannable piece of "cardboard" yesterday. We are currently in the phase characterized by translucence, floating in a vat, and pastries growing where there were once opposable thumbs.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Children's Book Idea: Don't Try To Help Nobody

Whaddya think? Just kidding. That's messed up. MSPaint is all I've got to work with here at the office. It's funny. This actually happened to me the other day by the way (biking home, see injured butterfly on the sidewalk, stop to help it to a safer place, it flies into the road and bounces around and is crushed by every hummer ever made). Brock was there and he said if he was five years old he would have cried for hours. It was ridiculous. Stupid butterfly crushing universe.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Alexiseses mantle goblins

Here's are my painted on wood experiments. These are small bubbies. The one on the right is shitty mickey's bumpkin cousin shitty hell mouse and on the left is his wife (they don't speak) baba lyalya. She eats babies and all that. What I learned in this experiment is that there is a much higher frequency of drooling in painting than in just drawing. For me. Soon I will try painting on curvy woods. I bet that will be even more drooling. I wish I knew where the digital camera is hiding under the rubbles in my home. I used my cell phone camera for this. Not too bad.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

duh duh doodle

More doodles on the matryoshki theme. These images have not been digitally altered in any way. Soon I will try to share experiments with painting them on surfaces with paint with paintbrushes. It's a tremendous undertaking. Good thing I'm not scared.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Thanks for the fancy paper

I deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it.

Monday, January 11, 2010

nesting dolls

Matryoshkis. Say it, gringo. These are some designs I made today for the famous Russian nesting doll. I need to concentrate more on learning how to draw a pot leaf. Apparently I can only do maple leaf. I will discipline myself like monks punching rice for hours but with drawing pot leafs at work. Yeah, good idea. Check back for that tomorrow. The second matryoshka in the second row looks a lot like this one guy's art that I found on Deviantart—peep it here. Cristianus' stuff is creepy as hell. Like this piece, Porto Albino, for instance.

Friday, January 8, 2010

sheep won't do

Darwin's journey to the center of the earth was accompanied by 12 iguanas, 14 purple necks, 100 cyclopes, a never-ending loaf of bread, a chimp or two (diapers, no diapers), coolpix digital camera, a crayfish, a pile of hermit hair, every hermit magazine, guns and ammo, enough t.p. for everyone, a box of pens, flamin' hot cheetos, a cheetah engulfed in flames, portable DVD player, Apocalypto DVD, 2012 bootleg DVD, melatonin pills, nose hair clippers, sharpie for tagging, moleskin notebook, OED, sudoku puzzle book, Alf for shit talking, every bible just in case, tattoo gun, lotion for ashy, Uggs (the copper colored classic short metallic finish ones), cut off shorts, measuring stick, compass, chemicals, glasses, framed degree certificates, muzzles for chimpszzzThis is undignified. Someday I hope to be able to draw Darwin more better at both 31 years old and 200 years old. Next: muzzled monkeys with diaper, without diaper.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Doctor's quickly sketched medical diagrams

I'm very excited to finally have a forum in which to share these priceless artifacts. As great stacks of medical records cross my desk, I am fortunate enough to be away to squirrel away these odd, mysterious documents that are doctor's hand drawn diagrams of medical conditions and anatomical mechanics. I have more of these at home and will post them as I find them. It's such a lovely surprise to stumble upon one of these gems amongst drab medical reports, lab results, fee tickets, and insurance correspondences.Just as I suspected, the Pyramid of Pain and I had met before. As did the Web of Life and Tetris vs. PCP Round 12. Just found these guys in my desk at home. Cute find.

**ATTENTION SKIMMERS: I did not draw the above pictures. I found them. I do not have a medical degree.**

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Que es mas macho?

So this is happening now. I read about it in the news on New Years Eve. It's weird how not-secret this secret society is...

First section text: "The secretive men-only society won state approval for a logging plan allowing the group to harvest as much as 1.7 million board feet of timber a year"

Second section text: "The logging plan, argues the 130-year-old club believed to have included every republican president since Herbert Hoover, will help reduce fire risks and help reserve its 2,700 acre Russian River encampment to a natural state."

Third section text: "But really... They just need the felled redwoods for their depraved secret republican bacchanalian sex raves. The will build a 10 story tall phallic representation of a composite of every penis in this year's group and it is required by tradition to be made from the redwood tree. Because it's the best. They trees are held together with millions of third world foreskins for authenticity."


The doll for girl children that says everything you say, but backwards! Exposing the true corrupted nature guiding every thought we have. It also poops in your mouth and everywhere else in public. (c)

RIP #1 cock chopping dyke of all time

She wrote the notorious radical feminist text Gyn/Ecology. The whole damn thing is on Google Books. How cool is that.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Have a baby by me baby and be a millionaire (c)

Oakland is rough so you really need to get in there and play the game if you want to last at all. Today someone I know did just that and got what was coming to him. I won't say who he his here, but his name kind of rhymes with Shat Blobster. I wrote a rap about it at band practice today. It was tight. Then I drew this drawing about it. His appearance has been slightly altered to protect his identity. I might add stuff to it and develop it more, but who knows, maybe I won't, so I'm putting it up here just in case. Amen.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Our love will destroy the world

I heard about this true fact on the radio one day. Much like I read once that teleportation had been accomplished by a scientist with a vegetable somewhere. I wonder if my creative mind is compensating for slow news days sometimes. I intended to do something more with this, but I just found it under something accompanied by a few blank pages.

Friday, January 1, 2010


I hope these guys get imprisoned in fabric this year. Never forget.