Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Science Friction


Tupac's "hologram" may go on tour.

You guys, the internets gave me chills today. That never happens. Cats flying. Babies rapping. Who cares? I can skillfully ignore even the most impossible, mind boggling, and profound vids/pix/blurbs shared online. But this reincarnated Tupac is something new and different. I've been a fan for a long time (until I just found out a couple weeks ago that he was a rapist - BUMMER). It was amazing to see CGI Tupac doing choreographed moves with Snoop. I can't wait to see "holograms" of Hitler and Michael Jackson walking down Hollywood Blvd. But that's not the most interesting part.

When Tupac burst into light and disappeared (pretty cool), it was easy to imagine the epic stage show that could be produced with this technology. Flawless lasers and dragons and Britney Spears making out with Jesus Christ all throbbing in time with the jams. Can you imagine?! It would be like the Stone Mountain Lasershow times a billion! And how much more infinitely manageable would that be than a real big time concert tour? No tour buses. No bitchy divas or demanding entourages. No riders!?? They could just download the whole night's bundle of images to project and be done with the whole unnecessary, extravagant shit show spectacle. OBSOLETE.

But then you would never see Courtney Love throw her bra into the audience and then demand that someone else give her their bra because she felt self conscious. Or see a groupie megafan slowly grab hold of Garth Brook's crotch which he then removes equally slowly with full composure. Or hear the amazing between song banter of Blixa telling the audience that the waste basket he's been banging on has been around the world 7 times and then saucily, germanishly asking how many times the audience has been around the world.

Give me wardrobe malfunctions or give me death! I like hearing about greedy, big baby rockstars terrible demands. I also like lasers. And that unnamed feeling when you first interact with a new technology that you can tell will soon be ubiquitous. What shall we call that feeling? Future—I'm ready for you!

I predict Jesus holograms in those mega neo born again churches in like 5 seconds.

Monday, April 16, 2012

I am an inventor now

Have you ever felt like condoms are just the dumbest? Particularly female condoms? Don't you wish you could just wear a condom all the time, not worry about bothersome pregnancy and STDs, and look great doing it? Well this just the shit for you then. These control-top shorts are made from the most unbreakable latex on the market. There's some extra latex by your dinglehopper that you can just stick right in there when the time is right. Or all the time. Also good for the menses. Messy but good. A fellow inventor of mine has suggested that the entirety of the short not necessarily be made from latex. We make make another prototype where some of the legs are made from spandex or gold lame. Works for butts too!

And for an additional bonus to that sneak peak at up-and-coming product designs, I'll share my notes from today's management class. I got so mad because my program is forcing us to learn stupid, boring management type nonsense that I expressed myself with 8th grade style notebook drawing. That's a "from the mind" Calvin pissing on the concept of management. And that's a celtic stussy knot. And that's shamu eating a fairy. I mean a faerieieieie. And that's a wolf howling in front of a full moon. I hope this has been an acceptable first post in 4 months.