Thursday, December 31, 2009

Never look back

Don't grape me snow. Don't tape me flow. Don't graze my blow. Don't flog my log. Don't snaze dry fro. Don't braid me grow.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Aint no man like the one I got

These two are 100% pure evil and they can't keep it off their faces. Yeltsin is always smirking in a self-satisfied way and Putin has the cold expression of a man who is quietly deranged and capable of anything.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Revenge Pregnancy

This is some real shit. I read about it in InTouch magazine. "I'm gonna roast you" or "I have no problem with roasting her" is another catch expression from that demented, enraged woman that I was talking about a couple days ago. She's out of control. I think Hera would totally roast Zeus if they were around now.

lost to antiquity for a reason

Even when I look at this picture, I still don't understand what an ascot is.

Monday, December 28, 2009

A message from the president

A few suspect statements from the president recently that may contribute to evidence that he is using the council of certain diasporic emissary from the Arkestra

Sunday, December 27, 2009


Harpers had a big feature story about the fabled crypto-jews of the American southwest. I think the author must be confused and this is what they're actually thinking about.

where he at?

About a year ago a created the above document that connects the dots between some very extraordinary entities that dwell in the Oakland/Emeryville area.
Since then, one of these has been MIA, nowhere to be found. This is very curious and alarming, but I do have some ideas about where he may be. One significant event that has transpired between then and now is Barack Obama becoming president, which, of course, is a huge milestone for African American people.
I believe that this man may have sensed a patriotic call to duty and joined Barack Obama in the whitehouse to help lead this country at a time when it needs it most. War in at least three countries, economic crisis, and a complete and degrading estrangement from the funk. More about this arrangement to come. I may be using this medium:

you a puppy

I drew this at work for the benefit of my coworkers that all endure sharing space and air with the woman who is the subject of this comic. The theory is that she has 12 chromosomes, which would explain why she is constantly enraged and yelling at people on the phone and patients and doctors. Last Wednesday she returned from lunch and the silence lasted 5 minutes before events chronicled in this comic transpired. She looked at her facebook, saw that there was a possibility that someone had made a slight against her by calling her a "puppy" and proceeded to get the person's number, call them, chew them out until the person explained that she did not, in fact, call her a puppy. The phone call ended and the woman erupted in embarrassed laughter and danced around the room explaining that she does not tolerate the possibility of being fucked with in anyway by anyone and then recited several of her catch phrases including "you know I'm a BEAST" and "I will lay her out." The she repeated everything a few times to everyone in the room and other people on the phone, yelled at someone else about buying food stamps, and then left early after another grueling day at the office. The most glaring truth of all that makes this all seem so ridiculous, of course, is that puppies are cute and she should take at least 15 valium.

Tooth Fairy

My homegirl Alexis is planning to get her wisdom teeth out soon and I was reminded about the time when Brock got his out and was so powerfully stoned when he woke up that he told the medical staff that "teddybear" was the assigned individual waiting in the lobby to help him get home. He actually couldn't speak, so wrote it out for them in his sad, miserable wealthy-grandpa-being-conned-out-of-life-savings-on-his-deathbed handwriting. I'll look for the document in my records and scan it if I find it. I'll be ready to document the whole event more throroughly when Alexis does the surgery.