I don't understand

why I look at the newspaper today and see a tiny blip about Obama extending the Patriot Act for another year. What the hell? Shouldn't there be an uproar? That's Bush's signature bullshit. Our honeymoon is over and no one cares. Look at the dumb blip. At least Alternet will always be there to tell me what I need to hear during these hard times: http://5z8.info/barely-legal_k6h8u_rickroll

for example, one of the comments on the Alternet clip, coherently elucidating upon the real truth:

"To all of the other "CRIMINAL CONGRESSMEN" who have commited TREASON against the AMERICAN PEOPLE, your time will come very soon. When that day comes, you WILL BE TRIED FOR TREASON AGAINST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. When found GUILTY of TREASON, YOU WILL BE EXECUTED. THAT WILL BE THAT. THEN, YOU ALL WILL BE GONE FOREVER AND AMERICA AND THE WORLD WILL SMILE. IN PEACE."

I am aware that the comic is missing a word.

Mi corazon esta muriendo porque estoy sin ti

I'm sick a dog today so I thought I'd bring it back to the old school. Back when things were simple and a man could be subject to international ridicule for dangling his baby out the window like so much grandma's panties. Unicorns, fatty dunks, and cherries are featured here also. My coworker tells me to draw things dunking when I don't know what to do with a drawing. That's why matador shitty mickey was slamming b-balls into sensually receptive hoops at work yesterday. That's the type of things I'm sometimes choosing not to share here -- merely to describe in a tantalizing way. He was also flanked by the world's strongest boy doing air pushups and shamu laying the whoop ass down on foolish mortals that dare to approach him as though he were their precious lap dog. What an abomination. I, of course, did the right thing and shredded it into millions of tiny pieces. The photograph below is Jason Forrest, herald of '70s softcore pornography, standing before the actual location in Berlin where MJ dangled his infant but a few short years ago. RIP MJ.

And this is Japan.

Just the facts

If Polyclitus doesn't mean covered in clitorises -- then I just don't know anything.

Taking the farside concept down a notch

This is what's funny tonight. Lowest common denominator, baby. BRING IT. All the satisfaction of watering a plant without of the consequences of actually doing so.

HI MOMMY

I drew my moms straight from my mind expressing an ancient wisdom. She would be seriously pissed about that hair color. Don't tell her. I used my brand new color pencils. I wasn't going to share this, but it made Brock laugh so hard, it only seemed right. Hands will always be a twisted, malformed, deformity. I know no other way. I feel like this should go in the same box with the drawing Ilan made recently exploiting his grandparents, "Don't try them Lottie, they're HOT." Hehe—cracks me up.

Steve Martin and Ricky Martin f-u-c-k-i-n-g

Based on scientific findings and new CT imaging technology, it is widely accepted by Egyptologists that King Tut probably had a barbed wire ankle tattoo and airbrushed toe nail designs. It's also suspected that he had a wooden tooth and a beaver tail. If you make a better flyer, I won't be offended.

Recent study published in peer-reviewed journal KMT: http://www.hulu.com/watch/55342/saturday-night-live-king-tut

He has the unpopular not-racist sympathies

... we're all really lazy, smell like feces, our babies look like hippos, we eat our own vomit, have all have syphilis, we're inbread and we can't spell. And I can't seem to arrange this pile of rocks to look like genitals no matter how hard I try.

blame mattt monster and band practice.

drawings of things fucking other things

There is a reason for all this. It's related to furry con. The real deal is that our friends are putting nouns in hats and pulling two out and drawing pictures of those two things going at it. In the corner of this drawing of "ship fucking umbrella" you can see bits of "dog fucking tv" which didn't go so well. Dog looks like pigdog and has hooves. Alexis-Bunny is going to create a blog of drawings of things fucking other things, so... calling for submissions! It might specifically be things you like fucking other things you like, you know, like griffins fucking dragons. Duh. Make your own hat full of things you like or just go with whatever feels right. Like disembodied beard fucking xbox controller. Or is the xbox controller fucking the beard? Deep down inside [sic] you know whats right. Happy Valentines Day.

COMING SOON: Lovers entwined like so many strips of bacon wrapped around a hot dog wiener. And reverse vampires.

More random pub(l)ic insano-destructo

Take a look at this motherfucker: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0211101walmart1.html. He thinks he can just walk into Wal-Mart, pick up a baseball bat, and start smashing TVs. Maybe the police report will give us some insight into the mind of the criminally insane. Wal-Mart is dangerous. At first when I read the headline, I thought it said a cop did it, but it was really this 23-year-old guy in Atlanta who takes medication for depression. Boringggg. At lease he has a nice expression on his face. I once knew a guy who did that to car windshields on random street in San Diego. That's bad! Wal-Mart is better, because it's nice and victimless like art destruction. And probably way more fun than a typical day for the employees there. I would be stoked if someone walked into my work and started smashing shit. Cross your fingers.

OH LOOK: The video.

They all talk shit behind your back

Sometimes people strongly feel the need to destroy famous works of art and I understand that. Oct. 7, 2007: Punch a hole in Claude Monet's "Le Pont d'Argenteuil'' Sept. 4, 2005: Four twelve-inch cuts in Roy Lichtenstein's "Nude in Mirror" 1914: Meat cleaver Valaquez's "The Rokeby Venus" 1975: Bread knife Rembrandt's "De Nachtwacht" 1990: Acid spray Rembrandt's "De Nachtwacht" (this is a particularly cocky and wretched painting) Feb. 28, 1974: Spray paint "KILL LIES ALL" in foot-high letters across Picasso's "Guernica" Jan. 25, 2010: "Accidentally" trip and tear six inches into Picasso's "The Actor" Dec. 1, 1996: Vomit primary colors on Mondrian's ''Composition in Red, White and Blue'' and Raoul Duffy's "Harbor at Le Havre." 1977: Lipstick kiss on a white monochrome painting by Jo Baer (because it looked cold and she wanted to cheer it up) Jan. 29, 1973: Geologist hammer Michelangelo's "Pieta" ("I am Jesus Christ—Risen from the dead!") 1966: Acid thrown upon his own paintings (creating the auto-destructive art movement, here's the manifesto, and leading to the Destruction in Art Symposium) A nice essay about compulsive art destruction in history from f news, whatever that is. CLEARLY: There is a distinction between some of these acts. Some are a "conversation" between artists and others are battle. The guy that pissed in Duchamp's urinal is in conversation with the artist. So is KILL LIES ALL and primary colors. However, I think meat cleaver may be fighting for self preservation or for the glory of the kingdom. Actually, the real truth is that meat cleaver was a suffragette and didn't want the public to be able to enjoy the beauty of the woman in the painting if they wouldn't grant women basic freedoms in the republic. Political statements are cool, but insanity is the funnest inspiration. Meat cleaver sounds pretty crazy. Update: 4/1/11: Woman attacks Gauguin painting. The painting is very homosexual. She has a radio in her head. She is in the American CIA. She is going to kill you.

Suplex the dog

One time, when Brock was a kid, he was watching the fight scene in Willow where the dogs attack the village, and he got so pumped that he tried to suplex Marty, his grandpa's poodle, and his grandpa walked in right as he was about to do it, and got hella pissed and was concerned that Brock might be a bad person. But he wasn't. He was just pumped like this old thing: Real Ultimate Power.
UPDATE: What really happened is that Marty ran into the room with "fierce virility" and Brock did what he had to do and defended the house from the invading hoard of one black poodle.

Monologue

Jail and I watched the Ingmar Bergman movie "Persona" the other day. It was a very striking taboo-riddled film. Jail said that it is one of Bergman's "anti-cinema" films. The bubbles letters in this comic are pretty much the words of this a very dramatic monologue that was repeated TWICE in the film. Once while looking at the mother's face and once while looking at the nurse's face who was saying the words. It's a complicated scene, but the words stuck, so I had to write them down. I hope the band Parenthetical Girls know about this movie. All their lyrics are about this twisted, amoral, debased, depraved familiar relations/mental illness kind of topics.

It's a shame

It's too bad that your genitals look like this

This is my dream

Pizza means so much to so many people. I think that after I surfed a truly gnarly wave and got so pitted in it, I would lay down on the giant pizza in the sand and just wrap myself in it and go to sleep listening to the waves.This is my dream several hours later IN LIVING COLOR.