Longman lives in nightmare shadows

Always right about to sup you from behind something when you least expect it.

Open publication - Free publishing - More longman

Self-Retrospective: It's been long enough that I am also bewildered and amused

This old thing cracked me up, so I'll share with you. The last page reads: raison d'twat. It took me a couple minutes to figure that out. Do you know who these people are?

I think this is the second foldy book comic I made. It's to help the scientists in the future figure out why we walk that way. The lady says "Were you, like, injured in the war or something?"

This is terrifying because it is a true reoccurring nightmare that I really truly have every few years and it's bone chilling every time. I made this book for Matt for his bday a while back. This dream always involves the same plot twist -- whatever house I am living in has an extensive ancient labrynthian endless catacombs of rooms and my housemates and I have never explored beyond the portion that we rent and then we decide to just go for it because it's interesting and of course HP Lovecraft has been up to something in there. In this particular episode of this real true dream I had, there was a horrifying ghastly figure at the bottom of the staircase, but it was just Dain for some reason being extra creepy, so it had a happy ending for once. Two thumbs up, nightmare dream world.

I will be putting up more oldy-foldies as time permits. Stay tewned.

More pizza surfing

I found these buddies on my desk at work as I'm preparing for my departure. I think I never scanned them because I thought they didn't make any sense, however, upon further review, I think they make perfect sense. Windsurfing on an ice cream cone. Surfing on pizza. It's what dreams are made of.

The text on the first three panels of the lower comic are quotes from NPR and they read: "White culture may be changed forever..." and "...and Vietnam. Congress shouldn't authorize funds for a war they can't pay for" and "grads gets marked as low potential."

Suspiria: An Alternative Ending

This is how I would have handled the situation.

(I don't get paid to not misspell "existence")

For Assholes! (TM)

This could go on and on. It started at the coffee shop with Kevin and Andy because Kevin was excited to have gotten Heidegger for Dummies or something at the library and it became "you mean for assholes." The we went down the line of all big thinkers for assholes. Bolano is wild card, but it's appropriate because he said awful things about Isabel Allende. I'm going to read his book soon. He's moody genius badass type. I won't dismiss him for being saucy. I think each one of these For Assholes books would start with the words, "On the contrary..." or maybe "There are other ways of doing this if you're not actually interested in this topic."

"Grainy videos of crotch rubbing twinks"

This isn't the most inspired foldy book I've ever made. It's like a C+. But it's on the favorite topic and it has some cute parts so I thought I'd share. The favorite topic is when homophobic public figures are exposed as pathetic, hateful secret gays. This new dooshy guy is a baptist minister and runs some fake bullshit org where they say they can cure gays. He's a ridiculous farce and now the jig is up. He did a Larry Craig and made an unacceptable excuse for why he was with the young man, whom he admitted to having found on rentboy.com (I love how much traffic they must be getting because of this big story), saying that he recently had surgery and needed someone to help him "lift his luggage." It's true. Larry Craig had a "wide stance" and George Rekers can't lift his own luggage. Check out this wonderful photo captured by the Miami newspaper at the airport when they got back from his slutty gay ten-day European vacay. This photo is the reason the second page of my lil comic has pixel face. Dan Savage did a great rant about this story on his podcast this week. He also is a big fan of how reliably this type of man is hardly secretly his own worst enemy.

Sweet lady

I hope my mom likes this card I made her for momo day. After all, she's always been such a dedicated 'pac fan. Words are adjusted lyrics from "Dear Momma" by Tupac of course. RIP. I may have done something similar last year... I can't remember. Damned brain parasites.

Fraud Signals

if your bullshit detector is broken, you can follow this simple guide to tell see that someone is a fraud. I don't really feel that way about Nikes, but I feel like some people must.

Like they say at the game store

This is the beginning of the end of the middle of my conquering of foldy books presentation science. I don't know if it's excellent or not. We'll see.
UPDATE: AHAHA FTW I made it better.

This will always symbolize my failure

dont wanna talk about it. fucking thing—sucks. i know how he feels. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tJjNVVwRCY

MANY HOURS LATER: OK, I'm ready to talk about it now. I was TRYING to use an application that would make these foldy books more legible and turny-pagey (you know, 3D) and explicitly made this comic in an attempt to use it, yet I failed. I'll keep trying.

Mysterious market research

Why does the cereal company show me a picture of an ape in the jungle chewing on a banana leaf and ask me enigmatic questions about it? They want to plumb the depths of my subconscious mind They want the secret level jump directly to my brain. They want to knock on the doors that read "pleasure" and "fear" and when confused grandpa who was just napping in her house gown opens the door, they want to sucker punch her in the gut before she can say, "I don't want any." Because that's how you sell apple jacks, baby. BAM.

What I mean is, ape in the jungle is make me happy and barfing all together at same moment.

UNLEGIBLE:
In third frame at the bottom right- "Feel like you want to do something to make the world a better place?"
Whole forth box- "Is your love mostly complete? Is your love for the most part transcendent? Is your love empty and hollow? Is your love somewhat hanging on the cliff of failure at every moment?" PICK ONE.

Complying with her charade

This is the comic summarization of the short story by Shirley Jackson called "Like Mother Used to Make." I try to put it in eight boxes. It was hard and fun. There are some failures, such as the plot is not conveyed effectively. The plot is that a very tidy man invites a bag lady that lives in his building over for dinner. Her house is a shithole and she acts she was raised in a barn when she comes over. She gradually starts acting like she made dinner and it's her house over the course of the evening and eventually she thanks him for coming over and sends him away. Seemingly she does that to maintain an illusion she created so the landlord who stopped by won't think she's a scumbag because she lives in a shithole and doesn't make dinner. He goes across the hall in confusion to her house and acts like he lives there. There's a little bit more to it than that. It's a genuinely creepy and disturbing tale. It's on the internets here.

HELOISE HINT: If it's hard to see fine details and text, right click on image and save so that you can view the large size file more largely in your computer's image viewer and magnifier.

Comic summary of "The Intoxicated"

I present a comic summary of "The Intoxicated" by Shirley Jackson. The whole damn book is online here at goog books. I think this story is about how kids say the damnedest things and the dooshy drunk older guy isn't smart enough to challenge the teenager about her world view. I don't know. I'm gonna search Shirley Jackson's blog and see if she says anything about it there. I didn't think it was very creepy at all. But my hands are so clammy today. Maybe I'm creeped out and I don't even realize it.

Monster Manual fan remix 2010 Volume Two

I'm not a design person. I wish I was. I appreciate the visual eye that some people seem to have for layouts and that sort of thing. I'm not a fashion designer. I'm not a beautification expert. When it comes to the digitalization of foldy book, sometimes I'm at a loss. If I'm out of it enough, I completely forget how to do even the peasant technique that I developed myself. I wish I could do the thing where you hit the button to turn the page like in goog books. I bet I could look it up or something... but it may be throwing poop at pearls. Anyways, here I have experimented with a pretentious new layout for foldy book. It's pretentious because it looks like the Swedish flag. At least it may be cute for this particular book. Symmetry is the siren enemy that brings me down every time.

HARD TO READ TEXT

Front page: "The most ancient Black Puddings are vast pools of inky death"

Next page: "Cockatrice -- Steals copper from under your house and turns your ass back to the stoneage. Just trying to get paid. Nothing personal. Alignment -- Always Neutral. +$12 for copper +$3.65 for (bottles and) cans"

Next page: "Intellect Devourer -- Has been recognized for building roadblocks between communities and encouraging race riots and social strife. Alignment -- Always Chaotic Evil."

Next page: "Blink Dogs -- Prolific indie sweetheart band. Sounds like Joy Division on downers and uses the blink spell to travel between material and ethereal plane. Alignment -- Usually Lawful Good."

Next page: "Well, what a wild bunch! I get all excited and weak in the knees just thinking about facing them. The adrenaline makes my handwriting terrible. I'm sorry. More to come."

Monster Manual fan remix 2010 Volume One

I just got hired by Wizards of the Coast to update the D&D Monster Manual (tee-emm baby) to keep it from getting stale. Just kidding, I'm just trying to work my way down the geek hierarchy by doing a fan job on it. Lord knows I'll never actually pull that off until I actually start playing D&D. On second thought, I think people that play D&D might think I'm a worse geek than them for only being interested in the monsters or for being a D&D poser and that's what the geek hierarchy is really about -- being perceived as a worse geek by those less geekier than yourself. Hmm... Smoke that, nerds.

Lets make sure we all retire together on a compound in Guadalajara or Eugene or whatever someday and just make sauerkraut and soak our dentures and prepare all week long for super serious competitive geriatric weekend D&D tournaments. That is my dream. Along with surfing on a giant pizza.

HARD TO READ TEXT IN FIRST PANEL: "In memory of Matt Monster who hath been slain in battle by wicked dwarves and ocelots / It did 80 points of fire damage on him. It was sad but cool"

ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF ERROR: I wrote "go to" twice in the SPECTRE panel. I ain't rescanning though. That's your funeral.

Las Vegas was like this

This is what happened to all the meathead people at the animatronic fountain at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas every hour. They were punished for their insolence. And as for that last bit... I really actually think I heard that on NPR today. Seriously for reals.

I don't understand

why I look at the newspaper today and see a tiny blip about Obama extending the Patriot Act for another year. What the hell? Shouldn't there be an uproar? That's Bush's signature bullshit. Our honeymoon is over and no one cares. Look at the dumb blip. At least Alternet will always be there to tell me what I need to hear during these hard times: http://5z8.info/barely-legal_k6h8u_rickroll

for example, one of the comments on the Alternet clip, coherently elucidating upon the real truth:

"To all of the other "CRIMINAL CONGRESSMEN" who have commited TREASON against the AMERICAN PEOPLE, your time will come very soon. When that day comes, you WILL BE TRIED FOR TREASON AGAINST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. When found GUILTY of TREASON, YOU WILL BE EXECUTED. THAT WILL BE THAT. THEN, YOU ALL WILL BE GONE FOREVER AND AMERICA AND THE WORLD WILL SMILE. IN PEACE."

I am aware that the comic is missing a word.

Monologue

Jail and I watched the Ingmar Bergman movie "Persona" the other day. It was a very striking taboo-riddled film. Jail said that it is one of Bergman's "anti-cinema" films. The bubbles letters in this comic are pretty much the words of this a very dramatic monologue that was repeated TWICE in the film. Once while looking at the mother's face and once while looking at the nurse's face who was saying the words. It's a complicated scene, but the words stuck, so I had to write them down. I hope the band Parenthetical Girls know about this movie. All their lyrics are about this twisted, amoral, debased, depraved familiar relations/mental illness kind of topics.

Frightening immortal sperm

This is an old one that I just found on the floor while picking things up. I don't think it ever got its due glory. It's just not right. It seems I cut of the last word in the last panel. It says "pathetic." And check out that sexy horse.

Traps are everywhere

Don't let your human kindness or fondness for sweets and beauty lead you directly into a trap. That's how they get you.